My essay is out in The New York Times, and in the process, I got to talk to Daniel Jones on the phone, after years of reading his words and edits. Since then, I have been on the receiving end of so much love from friends, acquaintances, and kind strangers. That has filled at least a few dreary days in lab with light.
What’s more, it’s opening up opportunities that I didn’t think were possible. I feel like I am so close to where I want to be, and I have so many ideas for stories I want to write and so many poems ready to submit.
And yet, most days, I get home after a 10 hour day in lab, and there’s more data to be analyzed and manuscripts to be written, and I’m too exhausted to do anything about it. Since January 18th, I have had all of two days off, during which I was still working on something (when normally I would be writing, which I suppose is also a sort of work). Too often, I go home only to stare blankly at my computer, utterly depleted.
I don’t mean to be whiny. Things are going well for me overall. I’m just struggling, as always, to accept that for the time being, I’m still here, so close to this glorious new life but somehow still a world away.
For now, I am bolstered by immeasurable kindness. There are no words to describe my gratitude for these glimmers of light.
Jenny Qi, Ph.D. 